dysphorism: lordjookitty: pencil-tits: ...
So we’re just gonna walk around pretending it’s not weird that one of our hands is just worse at everything?
unfollower: timoodles: there is a town called sandwich in massachusetts there are literally police cars labelled sandwich police i live in Cumming don’t talk to me
So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”. The teacher said “so you’re adopted”. THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.
Reblog this if you like Harry Potter. No...
nicodidevilo: OH MY GOD IT ALL MAKES SENSE
disnerd: do you ever wish you could just stop time for like a couple weeks so you could just sleep and do whatever you want and just get your shit together and then after that time would just start back up again and you wouldn’t have missed anything because you would just pick up where you left off
best-of-funny: ae-sthete: do you ever feel physically sick because you know you’re not good enough for anybody and you can’t do anything right and you’re too tired to go on X
efferescent: remember when a girl from my school wore a dress the same color as the green screen at prom oh yes her date did too
so-many-feels: deucebowl: If I were a magic wizard I wouldn’t harm people when they pissed me off, I’d just put these really fucked up random curses on them, like every time they saw a school bus they would shit their pants, or every time someone said the word Thursday they would pretend they were a dragon for 20 seconds. i think you would be a very good wizard.
poopflow: ah yes i have finally found it the g spot
sherlockedwithfeels: ignisaquae: If a person’s biggest fear is heights, what form would that person’s boggart take? jared padalecki idk
laugh-addict: how many white girls do you think took a screenshot of 12/12/12 at 12:12
spookymormon: spookymormon: my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
odd2oul: to people who haven’t unfollowed me
spookypepper: my grandma noticed i was upset so she handed me this spaghetti noodle with a loop in it I’m so happy
asap-tran: really-shit: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you. fuck
mishasfuckinghipbones: mishasfuckinghipbones: i was in the middle of maths today and my friend took my shoe off my foot, pointed at it, yelled “ME SHOE COLLINS” then pointed at my foot and yelled “JENSEN ANKLES” hE JUST S ENT ME TH IS I AM CRYING
i wonder if anybody’s actually had feelings for me, like actually got upset or mad over little things i did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. i feel like i’m the only person that ever really cares about anyone and that nobody’s ever felt that way for me.
internetexorcism: “sorry you’re not my type” i say to the man willing to donate blood to me as i am sick on my death bed
do you ever just watch the first episode of your favorite show again and look at how plain and simple everyone is before character development sets in and terrible shit starts happening to everyone
escapistaz: If we’re friends, there’s a 106% chance that I’m always petrified that you secretly hate me.
sunjolras: so like if you ever want to unfollow me for literally any reason you can do that i want you to have a nice dash i want you to have the freedom to create the space here that you want to have if you don’t want to unfollow, but want something tagged, just send an ask i have anon on for a reason that’s all sweet honeychildren
astrokidmusic: astrokidmusic: I should just quit school and become a brostitute you pay me to just hang out and chill does anybody want to join me we can start a brothel
davejadetier: BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEY GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES